My Life, My Words
Canadian eh?! By birthright then, it's inherent that I apologize for every real or even perceived mis- step, word, deed, thought... But seriously, enough is enough, right??
Being an independent and strong woman means I control myself. Having a strong moral compass means that I consider how the other person will feel if I say or do something. In fact, most of the time I behave in a way that helps others feel better (at least that's the intention, although sometimes it doesn't work out that way). Doing nice things for others has been a way of life for me for so long and this makes me feel good! I'm not looking for something in return either. But sometimes along the way, I hurt the other person in my attempts to do good things, As soon as I find out about the 'backfire', I guarantee I apologize. Although it's my mantra to do no intentional harm, I'm human and I screw up. When I do, I'll be the first one to apologize for it. And as life sometimes goes, things happen that are beyond my control, and then the Canadian in me takes over and I will apologize.
The following are when an apology is unnecessary.
If you're a HUMAN BEING, pay attention. You'll feel happier and stronger too!
** I'm bothering you... If I want to see or talk to you, I'm going to let you know. This isn't meant as an imposition, rather, it's important to me, for whatever reason, to connect with you, which means you are important to me.
** Being unavailable... Sometimes I am unreachable. Usually this is because I'm focused on something else. If you try to reach me between 5pm and 7am, my phone is on silent and I am detached from the world as much as possible. Sometimes I will check it before I retire, but I prefer to be in my comfort zone for as long as possible, to recharge myself and maintain or regain a little sanity in this crazy world. I'm quite involved in many activities between 7am and 5pm - I accomplish much during these hours, so if I'm not immediately replying to your text or email, or I've missed your call - again, it goes back to me being engaged elsewhere. I'll get back to you ASAP, and thanks for your patience and understanding.
** Being early... I am seldom, if ever, late - for anything... In fact, I'm usually early. In the past, I've often apologized for this faux pas, however I've come to realize that if the other person isn't ready for me, it's okay to have a little time to myself while I wait. HOWEVER, being LATE must ALWAYS be accompanied with an apology and being chronically late is a bad habit to be fixed!
** Saying NO... Healthy boundaries mean you know your limits and assert your right to live within them. Sure, no one want's to be turned down for something they've requested, but I appreciate being turned down much more than being led on. It's always OK to say NO to something that stretches you into a place of discomfort. Try practicing this sentence "No, I'm not able to help you with that." SIMPLE - no excuse needed and no apology attached! Now, go do something you want to say YES to!
2018 is already not a year of 'woo hoo' moments - oh sure, there are many, they just aren't my focal point right now...
In January I reached out to a couple local animal rescues.
One gave me the runaround and several reasons why they weren't able to respond and ultimately directed me to reach out to a different person in the organization with my desire to volunteer with them. I did - and have heard nothing back.
The other is a much larger agency, I participated in the mandatory information evening and was told the coordinator would contact me the next day. I waited a couple of days then sent an inquiry as to what the next step would be? In a week or so, I received the link to filling out what I would be interested in doing there as a volunteer - answered the questions, selected my top three choices and waited, again...
When at last I heard from them, it was for something brand new, they created 'just for me' and after bantering back and forth via email, finally I connected with a human being on the phone and everything started to move along quickly. I went for my interview, signed on the dotted line and even went the next night for mandatory training.
And then waited, again...
With my 'real job' coming to an end, I thought I best reach out to this agency to let them know that I AM AVAILABLE to start my volunteering...
The response was that someone else would be getting in touch with me about that... so another week passed, and I reached out one more time and was given the following response yesterday - they have passed my info onto yet another person, who will likely contact me in the next couple of weeks - this is because they are short staffed. I replied to that with a heavy sigh, and let them know I am looking for WORK and would be happy to assist with their shortage...
Of course, I received nothing about my desire to WORK for them and at this point I'm re-evaluating the whole idea of volunteering...
When a person wants to volunteer that says - I like your organization and I am willing to assist you, on my time, and even pay for my gas to get to your place so I can do this for you. I don't want your money, I really just want to feel good while doing something to help your place thrive a little more....
What has this 'feels like rejection' done to my fragile self-esteem??
Believe it or not, being put off yesterday (yet again) by this agency was the straw that broke this camels back and strained my confidence leaving me feeling completely useless (and yes, I know it is not true, but that's what it did and how I felt).
It was as though I had been kicked when I was already down and now I'm not even able to muster a shit to give.
This morning when I got up, after struggling to find some escape in dreamland (minimal and interrupted) I still felt empty.
I thought, maybe this is a really clean slate - I can rebuild me if only I could think of something that I want to create for myself. I sat in silence and tried to revisit some dusty old dreams that I've held onto for years. Asking myself where do I long to go - to what place can I imagine living where I will reinvent myself? I have no reason to stay here and wither away, I might as well go where at least I can enjoy the scenery while I get old...
I don't like this.
OH - FOCUS ON THE GOOD AND THE GOOD WILL COME TO YOU!
Nah, it's really all about luck and good timing and connections.
Just like winning the lottery, the odds of getting what you want in life are the same.
If my numbers are the same as the one's generated in the lotto draw, I win; if my resume happens to be chosen by an employer to review, I stand a chance of getting the job. Loving someone doesn't mean they will love you back; being loving doesn't mean sweet F-A in this life.
I have accomplished four amazing feats in my life, and that's like winning the lottery four times! And, I have gotten a lot of what I want in life, including jobs I wanted and the opportunity to deeply love someone who deeply loved me back.
But I'm a little funky and a little down and I have a clean slate.
Soon I'll be ready to plan my next adventure...
Maybe I'll start by winning the lottery...
Or am I looking for you?
'I'm so much more than the words on my resume'...
Apparently this is a tough message to convey...
I realize employers hold the upper hand when it comes to selecting who they will even interview and ultimately hire but, I here's what goes beyond my resume that I would like to be able to share with all potential future employers...
'If we're a good fit, I'll give you ten+ years and make sure I'm a worthwhile investment for you. At this point in my life I am looking to find a company that embraces me for the wisdom and experience I bring from a diverse 40 year work history and skills of successfully raising four children. I want you to know that you aren't just filling a position, you bring fresh life to your company - silver haired, yes, but my mind is intact and integrity is my backbone. I'll arrive early and stay later; I'll tackle whatever challenges you present and finish before the deadline; I am polite by nature but if need be, I can hold my own and make sailors blush; I am genuine and honest and respect others unless they give me a reason to think otherwise (and even then, I usually give second chances...) I know life is too short to live miserably or without making a contribution to the community in whatever way I can. I embody joy and love and peace - and yes, I hug trees! I come with a sense of humour, common sense, and more than basic intelligence. I'm smart as a whip unless you have some sinister plot against me - I will be fooled because I don't have an evil mindset... I don't 'need' to have my phone with me at all times, in fact I'd prefer to leave it at home but carry it with me in case of emergency, and when I require assistance I ask for help! I live my life believing in 'harm no one, ever' and although I can't change the world, I do whatever I can to help make it a better place to live. And, thank you for taking the time to read this!
Over the years there are a few things that I have found to be most important in my efforts of accomplishing something every day that brings me closer to feeling successful... And they are surprisingly simple and anyone can do them. If you want to take a chance on getting closer to making your life goals and dreams a reality, read on...
THING ONE: Figure out what the ONE thing that I am committed to completing today is. The key is 'COMMITTED' to. Commitment is the game changer. This one thing doesn't have to be huge or overwhelming - in fact if it is, break it down into manageable pieces, because the point to this is ensuring you complete it!
As you know, I'm in the process of reworking my script Wake Me In The Morning Light. There are several aspects that are calling for my attention, and writing is a very time consuming process. Editing can be even more arduous because it means cutting and chopping and hacking and removing and moving around and letting go of stuff that is close to my heart...
In order to accomplish this monumental task, I have broken it down into wee little pieces. If you read my blog on my nightmare, you know that I am choosing to add a new beginning, taking the whole thing back even further, but this will ultimately have the balance of the story more logical...
Yesterday my one commitment was putting the very rough draft/ideas in place on the script.
This morning I sat with the words and actions swirling in my head. I didn't like the way the antagonist went into his attack mode, and thought it would work better if I had him approach it differently. That was a thought that worked in my head, but when I looked at the script and how the characters were positioned in the scene, there was no way I could make it believable. (Perhaps tomorrow I will see it differently again...)
Today, my commitment is for still tackling that opening scene. I tightened the wording and tense and I dropped some dialogue.
You'll find that having ONE THING allows you to focus on what it is and you will act accordingly, with purpose. Writing this one thing down, spend some time focusing on it and you will move toward it in the most optimum way. Don't forget to celebrate the accomplishment. My celebrations are usually a 'WOO HOO' along with a sense of well done!
THING TWO: Eat Breakfast! Yep, for firing up the old brain, giving you the energy to do whatever you committed to and improved focus on your task. As an added benefit, I add word games to help fire up the old brain. I try to play about 30 rounds of scrabble/words with friends - a great big thank you to my loyal opponent/friends for being there for me every day! Which leads me to...
THING THREE: Gratitude. If there is anything that will lift me from a funk, it's realizing how blessed I am and how abundant my life is. Giving thanks for everything that I am fortunate to have or for what was in my life that has brought me to where I am today is just a way of being for me. Expressing gratitude helps me focus on the positive and abundance that I have in my world. And sharing it has a lasting effect...
Thanks for reading, see you again soon!
...Hit the reset button!
It's time for transformation - a shift in mindset, and a makeover of the total self! Maybe not a total makeover, just a partial reinvention or de-cluttering. Spring is on the horizon, and it's time for new beginnings!
Time to toss out anything and everything that is no longer needed or that I can't reinvent into a viable purpose. And believe me, I reinvent whenever possible.
I recently read an article on what things I have that my children will NOT want when they are 'fighting' over my worldly possessions. Mostly it's all the collections that I have accumulated over the years.
On his last visit home, I mentioned to my older son that I would be giving him all the soapstone carvings I have and he point blank told me 'no thanks mom'. For some reason I though that he would have an interest in these works of art. I was wrong! He has no interest or desire. That got me thinking about the rest of the treasures I've gathered up over the years.
I know they won't use or appreciate the tea cups and saucers that I've hung onto only because it was my grandmothers. I didn't even use or appreciate them, instead I've kept them carefully wrapped and moved them with me to each new home. Here's to new life and a re-purpose for them as a donation to a daycare to use as a craft idea for young one's to give for mother's day...
I've been collecting stuffed toys for most of my life. Although I have some unique stuffies of all sorts, my focus has been on teddy bears. Bears play an important role in my life. They symbolize courage. When my daughters were younger, we would visit elders in a local hospital and bring teddy bears for them. As well, I donated over 50 teddy bears to the Children's Hospital here in Winnipeg. Now my new plan is to move some of these bears to new homes. I will sell them online and donate the money raised to the Children's Hospital.
Photo's that are most precious to me don't carry the same value to my children. They don't have memories attached to the people in them so their eyes glaze over when I pull them out to look at them. I'll scan these photos, and create a disc with these precious to me memories. Space cleared!
My books have been downsized already, a lot. That's one of my most heartbreaking changes, but I haven't missed one yet! There's been a shift in how people read and learn, most of it's on-line, so physical books are almost extinct. I personally LOVE holding a book and the whole process involved with reading something cradled in my hands is one of my favourite things to do. I'll be scouring the shelves and donating some of the remaining books that I have no use for to the fire station so they can sell them at a local book fare.
Next on the transformation is what to put on the clean slate I've been given with my work life. It's been almost 15 years since I went through a lay-off and although I want to believe that ageism doesn't exist, I know that being over 50 will work against me in some markets. I'm working on my sense of self and overcome this 'dread' by examining the experiences and knowledge I have gained over my last 40+ years of working for a living. I know what I love to do and I know what I'm good at - there lies my strengths. It's essential that I share these with potential employers. Those employers who recognize that wisdom and experience is valuable will not overlook these intangible assets.
One step at a time along this journey, while I see, experience, suffer and learn, I'm ready for change... I got this ...
Maintaining as much control over my life as possible, even if it's only an illusion to the outside world, no one know it and that's my empowerment. It means I won't give away my power so easily or quickly. Even when I allow other's the opportunity to voice their side, no matter whether I agree or not, I refuse to give up my power and I will never entertain despair.
That doesn't mean it doesn't stop by for a visit now and then. I simply don't allow it to stay for long. Sometimes alongside despair, worry creeps in...
Both are unwanted guests and I treat them as such.
Viewing these from a position of empowerment means I can see the potential pitfall and I know that if I allow these thoughts to linger, I won't find what I'm looking for or get all that I deserve. I won't be trapped under this grey cloud. I allow those thoughts and worries to visit only because if I try to dismiss them without giving them a superfluous moment, they won't go away and will become more insistent. Once they have their moment I can appreciate their 'concern' for me but continue holding my own power and let them leave as easily as they arrived.
No matter how much despair and worry try to convince me that I'm in dire the straits, I know this is just a pile of crap designed to take away my power to step into this big world and really live life to the fullest. Any blip on my radar is not designed for me to hit the panic button, rather it's there for me to realize all the strengths I have garnered over the years. My life hasn't been an easy one and I wouldn't enjoy it if it were. I view the adventures and challenges that show up along the way as moments to rise up, see how far I've come and resolve, overcome or let go of. No matter what, they all make for interesting stories and reflections.
The key way to remain empowered is staying in THIS MOMENT. It's taken years for me to learn this. Many a time have I been distracted by replaying past events, as though somehow I would be able to go back and change the course of history. And I have definitely spent time fretting about the future possibilities, but funny enough, I've seldom predicted the future as it turned out to be.
There's humour to be had in these tough times. And always something positive to spin from a negative situation. I have many strengths and I have proved this time after time. I wasn't born walking - so that alone is proof enough that I can do anything I set my mind to!
By keeping present, paying attention to the now, and taking steps in a direction that my heart calls and my intuition guides, I keep my power - and it's no longer a secret power - I got this, and now, so do you!
Losing a job, a source of income, a reason to get up and go every day is a loss. As with all loss, this triggers the grieving process - shock and denial; anger; resistance; acceptance.
No matter whether you know that job loss is happening, or not, the actual message still arrives as a shock. For me, I had to continue showing up and smiling for three months after my lay-off notice. There was even a tiny part of me that hoped someone at that company would realize - 'if we all give up our parking, she can stay...'
That was me living in denial - the shock of the reality of my situation didn't occur until a couple days after I was home, done with them, for good.
Yes, it's a relief that I don't have to be pretentious anymore going into a place where my co-workers were now as uncomfortable around me as I was being where I didn't really belong anymore. Even though I would rather be going to work every day - earning my keep, and making a difference. I thrive on working, not just because I make money and can support myself, but because I contribute to the success of my community and local businesses.
Anger is a feeling that I dislike and try to deal with as quickly as possible. Sure, I was angry that no one thought to give up their parking so I could remain employed. Sure I was angry that I had to go in everyday and pretend that I was useful for them. "How could they? Why did I even bother?" Anger is part of the process, don't dwell in it - allow it to surface, and move on.
Resistance, or bargaining, is all the ways I tried to figure out how to avoid the inevitable. Like expecting anyone would give up their parking... This is something that will be overcome in time, as the reality begins to sink in...
And with the sinking in of the reality, comes sadness and a desire to withdraw. It's quite normal to feel sad and take time to process this loss. As it is processed - in whatever manner necessary, including reaching out for help if it feels overwhelming - you begin to accept what's happened. Acceptance is the path to moving on.
This is a cycle that will repeat, shift back and forth and leave you feeling like you're on an emotional roller coaster. Throughout it all, be patient and kind to yourself. Give yourself time to adjust and do not feel any shame for this loss. Remember, a layoff is NOT a personal failure. Job loss is only a temporary set-back. You can handle this, one step at a time, you can only do what you can! And always take good care of yourself...
I've been working since I was 15, and I've been laid off three times over the past 40 years. I know that a layoff is just a temporary state, but at this time of my life - I would rather not be looking for work... However, it is what it is and there are ways to ensure a personal state of well being - and coming from a personal state of well being (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually) goes a long way to leading to your success!
Because I am part black sheep/part rebel, some of what I'm going to suggest will be unlike traditional methods for job search and self-care. Sure you can follow the rest of the pack if that's what is more comfortable to you. I won't try to change your mind. The way I see it there are two ways to tackle moving beyond unemployment.
One is to sit around on the couch all day, surfing the net, tv droning in the background, sending out a few resumes (that will end up in the pile of hundreds more like minded surfers) and a once vibrant persona alters as we drift into the trance zombie-like state... This is the killer way to job search, an easy, automatic trance like state that feels so comfortable, feels like you're DOING something. Hell, it even feels like you're connecting when you merge a cover letter with your resume and hit send.
The alternative is to step out into each new day with a committed action plan that ensures you pull yourself up and out of that mire of lifelessness and before falling into a deep dark pit of depression. Finding a job is part luck and part chance. Up your odds and engage in your future. Step out into the spotlight and shine. You may still end up with some rejections, but you've created a much fuller, real life.
Commit to yourself and to the goal of making successful changes in the course of your future.
* Step out and talk to people - go outside the comfort of your four walls and be IN the world, daily;
* Ask for help if you need to - whether it's a personal concern or a job/education related issue - people WANT to help;
* Write - vent in a journal, chart your course or start a blog like this;
* Apply for jobs that you are over-qualified for and jobs you are under-qualified for;
* Reach beyond the 'h.r.' email address and tell the CEO that you're interested in working for their company;
* Take part-time work - you never know where that will lead - new skills, new contacts, new directions;
* Volunteer somewhere you've always wanted to work - as above, you never know where that will lead...
AND CRY... It's okay to cry and it's cleansing too! Maybe you feel like you're losing your sanity - like losing your job, this is only temporary, you're mind will be waiting for you when you're ready!
There are better days ahead... Sure, you can follow the rules and formulas and the same ideas that everyone else is. And I hope it works out for you.
Even on a cloudy day, the sun shines on me as I pull up my best pair of jeans and hit the streets. I may wind up with nothing, but I'll be keeping my eyes on the prize and holding onto a determination that I'll come out a winner, again!
There's a huge risk being a writer - the possibility that one might step into their imagination, and never return. Sometimes I think I'd prefer living in a fantasy realm. There I would have control over the atmosphere and the characters dialogue and their actions just as I do when I create any work of fiction.
Here on planet earth, such a paradise doesn't exist. No doubt if it did, it would have it's own challenges that I haven't bothered to consider. And ultimately, a life without daily hurdles to overcome or personal demons to fight would bore me to tears.
Despite the real life daily battles I am fighting, I can't help but wonder why I give a third of my precious time here on earth to a company that doesn't care about the people they have working for them. Is this all I have to look forward to day in and day out? Does such a place even exist in the real world, or only in my imagination?
Maybe it's a little hokey to want to have an employer that's actually rooting for their staff to succeed; maybe I'm jaded, given that throughout my working career, I've experienced only a couple of companies that that treat their employees like they want to keep them.
I have heard that such wonderful places do exist. Maybe you are one of the fortunate few who has a boss who reminds you any of the following:
"I'm glad you're part of the team." Talk about building strong workplace relationships...
"You have great potential." Affirm the sense of worth of staff and having an employee grow into what is possible. People tend to have in their own mind, an inflated sense of what they are capable of... But when an employer sees that anything is possible for their staff - it turns out that anything is possible for their staff!
How do you know your supervisor wants to build on your success? If you've ever heard, "Let's figure out what you're best at." you're with a company that wants to partner with you to help you shine. This is exactly what keeps employees feeling secure - knowing that the organization is on their side!
One basic human need is to be valued and appreciated. And when we give an employer about 1/3 of our life, it's not only about getting paid for the work we do, it's also about does that employer care whether we are or not?
I have had employers enter the office and walk right past me where I sit at the reception desk as though I'm invisible. (And, I have had coworkers enter the office and at the very least, smile and say 'hello')
"The company is better because you are here." or, "You're awesome." are general expressions. They also say a lot to an employee. When an employee receives messages like these, not only will their work performance and attitude improve, even though it didn't need to, but it will also radiate to the customers and the community. To be acknowledged and to realize that the work they are doing is an important contribution to the success of the company.
It may seem like fairy tale, but in the business world, a company that retains the best workers with the best attitudes exists because they've taken the initiative with a few simple statements and allowed the best in their employees to come shining through.
I love my brain for so many reasons, and it's as fully functional as it's going to be - after 50 I suppose I'm more on the downward slope for remembering recent 'events', like what I had for dinner last night, but challenge me to a scrabble game and I'll give you a run for your money (figuratively not literally).
Yet despite all these years of wisdom, there are still moments when self-sabotaging chatter shows up and tries to ruin my day or even my life...
I have learned that these are merely excuses that try to keep me from stepping fulling into my life. Perhaps some of these sound like a familiar conversation you're mind has engaged you in...
1) Others can do it better than me.
Actually - there is NO truth in that statement at all. The truth is that we all have the same chance of being successful at whatever we do - the KEY is starting to do it, and keep on doing it...
2) I need someone or something.
This is like reliance on quicksand to get you to the other side. There is only one person that you will ever 'need' and that's YOU; there is only one thing you will ever 'need' and that's YOU to COMMIT TO TAKE ACTION TOWARD YOUR GOAL.
3) It's not fair.
Actually - this is a true statement. Life is not fair, but in life we usually get what we deserve. Temper tantrums are irritating when young children do them, and they are unacceptable in anyone over the age of two. Get this message through your head - Life is not fair - but you will get what you deserve.
4) Why bother? I probably won't succeed...
Maybe, and if you don't try, I guarantee you won't succeed. But what if you try and you do succeed. Failure is not permanent unless you give up. Sometimes after you try, and fail, something even better shows up! This has happened to me frequently and I am convinced that just by stepping into living my life, it is filled with magic!
5) You're too old... It's too late...
NEVER!! My 'will do' list is still a long one, and I absolutely refuse to allow this kind of thinking to show up for me. We're all getting older, and when you get here, you start to appreciate how quickly time flies and that it is precious... It's never too late and I'm not too old...
Staring at a blank page, for some it's intimidating, but for me it's an invitation to create, to write, to fill it with words that have no direction or purpose, yet...
So I begin... once upon a time, or something like that... and words flow. From my muse, to my mind, to the paper. Still nothing planned, just writing whatever comes out.
Many papers are partially filled and suddenly I crumple what I have just penned - dissatisfied or uncomfortable. Other pages have a slightly longer shelf life, but I quickly lose interest or curiosity, and they are soon shredded and trashed. I regularly give myself permission to explore and dabble with whatever arises - and sometimes I am rewarded with rough stones requiring polishing.
This is what fuels my creativity and feeds my soul. I am blessed with a gift - to have a muse who speaks to me (sometimes a whisper, other times loudly, often at inconvenient times) and I have learned that by paying attention, there is a good possibility that I will create something that I feel is worthy of sharing with others.
At times I must face the enemy. It's not a hostile neighbour, an angry employer or even a bitter ex - in fact this enemy is someone very close to me. Every time I look in the mirror, I know the reflection is going to be either that of my number one fan, or my worst enemy. How can I possibly be both?
Every thing has a polar opposite. Within each of us there is a light, optimistic, supportive side of that cheers us on and wants all our dreams to come true, as well, there is the dark and sinister enemy self - filling our heads with negative comments and bashes us on everything we try to do.
'BUT, I have goals and aspirations for my success' pipes up my optimistic self.
'RAH RAH', mocks my dark side, with a tinge of sarcasm. Suddenly the loud voices of self-doubt and sabotage arise from within.
If I'm strong enough not to entertain despair, I will file the pages away, and make a mental note for myself that, 'I'll look at them again another time'.
However, if I'm slightly leaning toward disdain with my efforts, I could easily agree that 'This is crap, why do I even bother?'. (The papers in the garbage have usually wound up there after a bout of self-loathing and a comment that I have told myself that sounds something like 'No one cares. You have nothing to say. It's pretty clear you lack talent/skill/ability/success...')
I have engaged in some not so pretty self-pity parties where I tune out the world and turn into a blubbering pile of mush. I can pull myself out of it in a short time, feeling a little embarrassed, but until now, no one knew about this except for me...
An unfortunate consequence of the self-bashing moments is the damage it does to MUSE, who rightly believes in her brilliance and is quite put off when anyone critiques her. I try hard to protect her from being subjected to my dark side, but I always know if she's been offended - she disappears for awhile. (I guess she has her own ritual for healing from her wounds).
Luckily I never completely bought into the negative chatter bullshit or believed that I'm the 'hack' that my dark side would like to have me believe. My bright side has worked hard over the years to quiet the negative chatter as quickly as possible. I have found that to allow those voices a moment or two to have their say is much healthier for me than to try to silence them completely.
Yes, there was a time where the dark side was very persuasive and powerful and worked hard to convince me that I should give up my dreams and aspirations. And although I have put them aside and even away for a little while, thankfully, not permanently.
Yes, it is much easier to give up than do the work, to give up on fully stepping into life, and dreams, and aspirations. Yes it's almost comforting to be a pile of mush and not have to take charge of what's next.
I know that I won't always be a success - but I also know that if I don't do anything, I won't ever be a success.
It has taken years of persistence, insistence and self-discipline to be able to step into the unknown, to take a chance and move forward, closer to the goal, all the while maintaining hope for the best outcome possible. It takes tremendous courage to face my own dark side.
In knowing that the real enemy isn't someone else and the most discouraging words will never come from another person or an opinion of me or what I do. The real enemy will always reside within me, and even though there was a time where I believed all the negative shit that I told myself and would decide it's easier to quit, now I spend more time focused on my number one fan, my biggest supporter, my bright side. And in that focus, I step into my own spotlight, a little closer to making my dreams my reality!