Not a good sign... sigh...
Creating evil, dipping self into a world of darkness, this takes a toll on the soul. The way to 'think' like a sociopath is by touching the shadow side of self - contacting all those vengeful ideas that mulled around in thoughts on occasion when times were tough or people were rough - plotting sinister deeds that would never come to life except in nightmares.
There has to be an antagonist in order for a story to hold the attention of the writer and the reader. The more bad the bad guy is, the more intriguing he is. People read on because they can't believe how low someone can stoop or perhaps because they have given a few moments to thinking like that too. For the most part, humans are good, so when the dark side takes over and behaviours are what most of society deems 'criminal' or 'evil', it's an opportunity to explore places we would never go ourselves.
Perhaps there is a block because I am at a fragile state where the possibility of living in darkness might become my reality. Perhaps but doubtful. I have a very strong conscience that calls me out whenever I entertain thoughts of crossing that line. In fact, there have been a few times in my life where I have tread clumsily in that world which is so unfamiliar to me, and I have paid, dearly, for trespassing. I simply don't belong there and it has cost me in every way - I can't afford to dabble in this which I know nothing about.
So, I sit and stare at the page of script before me. There are words there - and a general idea of how to create this scene. What eludes me is how to bring it all to unfamiliar and treacherous territory... Even muse is elusive for this - she pointed me in this direction but has abandoned me when it comes to filling in the details.
Perhaps this isn't where I'm supposed to go - but then there is nothing further worth entertaining. I'm stubborn enough to refuse to give it all up - I've come so far with this story - it's a great story that simply needs to be stronger in places.
Writing is not for the feint of heart - writing is a personal shtick and even a moment like being at a loss for words helps me grow - test the waters and push myself further into the darkness, knowing that I will come out of it okay and the story will be better for it.
I had a dream, that was more like a nightmare... My firstborn script has been calling to me the past few days, asking for my attention. I have been distracted with recent shifts in my day to day existence. Trying to figure out my next steps.
Knowing that my passion is writing, I would happily spend my time engaged with Muse, listening to her marvelous ideas, transforming these ideas into words that when on paper, create stories. Muse is pleased that I have paid her some attention and I am feeling fulfilled to have followed my heart.
But I am obligated to search for what is deemed 'legitimate' work. In part because I appreciate having a roof over my head and food in my belly; and in part because up to now, my writing has yet to afford me the luxury of calling it 'how I earn my living'.
Which brings me back to my firstborn script. Wake Me In The Morning Light has potential to alter the course of my life history. (All the stories I have written are potentially life changing for me.) And when I woke from the bad dream, the feeling that I must return to nurture my firstborn script was intense.
No matter where you start your story, you can always take it even further back and make the writing even stronger. I have had a new beginning running around in my head for awhile. Occasionally I will jot down some idea and file it for looking at later. The thing I've noticed when I go back to these jotted notes is they are all pointing in the same general direction. I must take my leading lady and taint her past, showing she had a weakness that was overcome. The antagonist starts out evil and will always be evil.
Last night, I 'played out' these notes, the new beginning, in my dream and it was disturbing. I abhor violence and yet this story has ugly violent moments. Evil taking advantage of the weak is an unspeakable act that happens all the time.
In my nightmare, I experienced the violence and the evil taking advantage of the weak. I must add this to the opening act. It is aligned with the notes I have been collecting for the new opening. The dream presented me with a possibility that is much stronger than what I could have conceived. The challenge for me will be to distance myself enough to convey the graphic message in the scenes while keeping me feeling safe. (thinking about it while writing it has given my adrenaline a boost...)
Coffee nearby, I'm ready to rise to the challenge...
Please click the link below to watch my first effort at directing a script I wrote: