It doesn’t matter what YOU think, what matters is that I appreciate ME!
I used to feel inadequate, unlovable and a failure because I was trying to live up to the expectations of others. Imagine trying to live my life according to someone else’s standards. Now that I have figured out that I am the most important person in my life, I see those others fading away – and it doesn’t faze me. Their expectations of me don’t match up with mine.
Another person’s expectation of me is a sign that they are challenged, feeling insecure about themselves and will use my mistakes to justify feeling better about themselves. And then there are efforts to convince me I’m inappropriate and flawed, even unworthy, and I will never measure up.
It is true – I am flawed and I will never measure up to what they have focused on in their attempts to judge me. But none of these opinions are accurate and to consider me unworthy or inappropriate is unfair. Those people don’t know me. Those people haven’t walked in my shoes.
Meanwhile, I make mistakes and can laugh about them. I have found magic and loving my amazing life – All is well.
Passion for Health
My favourite affirmation is an ancient one, but it works. “I am healthy, wealthy and wise.” Even with daily affirmations, there are times when I feel off, sometimes discomfort sneaks in and there is a vague fear that something needs my attention. When it comes to my health, I find myself a quiet place where I won’t be disturbed, get comfortable and read the following. This reminds me that I am okay, I am well, I am healthy.
Feel free to use it whenever you want to!
“It’s natural for my body to be well. All my cells know how to achieve balance. I know I am well. I know all I need to do is to gently release whatever it is that is weighing me down. It doesn’t matter that it started because it’s reversing it’s course right now! It’s natural that it will take some time for my body to align with my improved thoughts of well-being. There is no hurry – my body knows what to do. Well-being is natural to me. My body knows what to do. I am in good hands. I relax. I breathe. I am healthy. I am well.”
A conversation about emerging from the dark...
Oh, some days it’s tough to shake the heaviness that I feel, to get that grey cloud cover to move away... I feel lost, I feel stuck, I feel worthless...
Inner Voice of Wisdom pipes up, “Whoa – do you realize how far you’ve come on this journey?”
Me, “yah, so what?”
IVofW, “So what? So Ms. SuperHero, take a good look in that mirror... Can you give your Amazing Soul a little smile?”
Me stares at my reflection, smiles a little.
IVofW, “You have risen up to the challenges that life has put on your path, overcome them and surpassed obstacles that others wouldn’t even dare come close to.”
Me pauses a bit and recalls some of these moments (raising four kids solo; returning to school after 40 and graduating with honours; losing everything and rebuilding from scratch and more) and the smile grows.
IVofW, “WooHoo – You are a superhero – you just forgot for a moment”
Me chuckles and the smile is bigger.
IVofW, “You are okay – every day you wake up, you are okay!”
Me smiles and nods.
IVofW, “And you have a full heart!”
Me looks at reflection in the mirror, I blow a kiss.
The birds are singing, the sun is shining and my happiness has returned.
Living for the questions.
I know all the answers – sure, I know all the answers for ME, for my life. I don’t always know that I know them when I ask them, but I do know I know them. How do I know this? I am wise and strong and creative. I have shown myself this time after time. Sometimes I have to dig a little deeper within, or take a little time off from thinking. I have come far on this journey.
I used to rely on what’s outside me – it’s how I was raised – to mind other people, their opinions and events. But that has been disappointing and has let me down more often than not – and that disappointment has been the catalyst for my shift in perspective. I turned from looking out there to focusing inside.
And when I started to shift I also found there is much that I appreciate in my life – real stuff that I know – like my heart beating and the air that I breathe; my creative and brilliant mind; my health, nutritious food and the wisdom to research best practices for my own existence; my four amazing children; money in the bank; classic rock; a roof over my head and a warm, cozy bed to tumble into at the end of a full day and rejuvenate to repeat again in the morning... With all these blessings, my only question is, ‘What’s next?’
I am happy. I am glad. I smile. I smile a lot. I count my blessings. I am blessed. I look for reasons to feel good. I have so many reasons to feel good. I feel good. I am happy. I am naturally a happy person. I love. It’s natural for me to love. It’s natural for me to be happy and to love. I laugh. I love to laugh. I laugh and I love and I am happy.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds...
Sometimes I feel as though I’ve been completely shattered and consumed with sadness over a loss seems to go so deep and it seems like it’s going to last a lifetime. I will never be the same. I will grieve loss and death of a love, forever...
Grief, like love, knows no bounds... I know that it will be easier to give myself time to feel whatever it is that I feel – just let it be – let it in and let it be, exactly as it is.
Intense love lost is worthy of being honoured with intense grief. It won’t go away completely, but in time it will get easier...
Steps to Recover Self-Love
We all stumble. We all have fears. We all have pain. We are all learning. We are more alike than we realize.
It’s very easy to fall for comparing yourself to others. We are constantly bombarded with advertisements, messages and signals that would indicate that we are less than worthy of shining in our own light.
When you look at anyone else, you must remember that they are fighting their own battle. Some people express it overtly; others deal with it secretly. It doesn’t matter what they do or what’s going on in their life – what matters in your life is YOUR LIFE!
Now is the time to focus on the well-being of the only person that matters in your life. Yes, I hear all you mama’s (I’m a mother too!) piping up that your child matters more to you than anyone else, but trust me – if your SELF is not in a good space, you will not be able to authentically step into being a good mom... Just because we think that someone else matters more than our own self doesn’t mean that is healthy thinking!
Now, get yourself over to a mirror – take a good look at the face that is looking back at you – SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT MATTERS TO YOU! YOU are the one!
(I will talk about mirror work in a future blog. Just a little preview – mirror work is intense healing and incredibly transformative in how you see yourself! There are side effects, especially tears, and you will shed buckets of them as you connect with your heart, your pain and your essence. You will touch parts of you that hurt and you have kept hidden in your soul. This is normal. The tears, the mirror and your self – I promise you will love it!)
For today, I offer you some ways to step into recovering your self-love and ways to soothe yourself while softening what is causing you stress, anxiety or discomfort. As you are stronger in loving yourself, you will find it so much easier to get through the deeper transformation and healing.
My favourite way to connect with myself, you will find this invaluable, write in a journal. Anything goes for this journal writing. LET IT OUT! Say what you feel, what you think – it’s okay - let it all out. Go for it. Once you start putting words on paper, they will flow. If this starts to feel overwhelming, pause and put your hand on your heart, close your eyes and see what surfaces. What do you feel?
Are there tears? Let them flow.
Are you angry? WRITE IN CAPS!!
Let it all out! If you are like me, the feelings and words come faster than I can write them down! It’s ok – soon you will be aligned and able to get it all on paper.
If you are concerned that someone else will read these deeply personal thoughts and feelings, it’s perfectly okay to rip up, shred if need be, these pages. That can also be cathartic – it’s like – I wrote it out, got it out, feel relief from that, and now it doesn’t matter anymore – I can get rid of it – gone – good riddance.
At the end of it all – wander back to that mirror, look at that reflection and blow yourself a kiss! You are perfectly okay, perfectly capable and perfectly imperfect – isn’t that better.
OTHER GREAT WAYS TO SOOTHE YOURSELF AND RECOVER SELF-LOVE
So hard to hear or to realize that there will be no more time that we two will be together. And it’s rather difficult to face myself in the mirror knowing that I played a part in the ultimate crushing of my own heart... self-sabotage? No...
Our time together was important and it was perfect – there are many gifts to cherish from it.
I take so much from it – I am so much more alive and I’ve had some dreams come true. I am living a more authentic life, I am more aware and confident in my abilities – and I am stepping up and taking myself further along this winding path of my journey.
OVER? No way – sure, his part in the story is finished, but this relationship had to magic that has opened my eyes to see how talented I am - my new journey has just begun - there are many more chapters for me to create in my incredible life!
I look in the mirror, smile and blow me a kiss – it’s my best relationship ever!
Spirituality within Nature’s Temple
We can honour the living beings – Nature – The Earth, Sky, Water, Air, Sun – everyday. Nature will respond and life will change. Signs from Nature will show up to light the path to let you know that you are recognized, supported and loved by the spirit that lives in all things. More importantly, there will be a deeper connection with Nature that fills the soul.
Honour Nature and the Universe, be recognized and sing with joy!
Early this morning, again, (I am an early riser for many reasons, but I especially appreciate the quiet and the stillness of the air in the wee (very wee) hours of the morning) and in the silence I hear footsteps in the grass. I’m not frightened, instead, my heart races with excitement – ‘who is it today?’ I wonder to myself...
Today it’s deer. It usually is deer but sometimes it’s rabbit and I’ve even looked out into the dimly lit street to see fox quickly trotting along – each animal that shows up for me, day or night, brings a message that’s exactly what I need for my life at the very moment. Although I live near to one of the rivers that runs through my hometown, deer don’t have a voice to alert me that they are in the neighbourhood and I haven’t seen deer for a couple weeks. Clearly I’ve been doing a good job with self care.
Yesterday I received some exciting news for a new adventure that looms ahead for me – I know I’m quite capable to take it on! It’s important that I revisit the message of my dear visitor. Deer symbolizes gentleness and innocence. When deer shows up it’s a reminder to be gentle, not just with others, but with self too! Expressing gentle love will open new doors to adventures – a new freshness in life is about to be awakened.
A New Life Starts Now
(whenever I decide it is so!)
Every day I wake up with the opportunity for a fresh start – I don’t make resolutions for the new year, I do state intentions for each new day! (these intentions are subject to change, without warning!)
Change leads to new directions, new questions, new adventures, new opportunities, new discoveries, new joy, new beginnings, new endings, new dreams, new hopes, new contentment, new challenges, new answers...
The only constant in life is change – I step into it, trusting I’ll be okay – and I am!
Every night I fall asleep, exhausted from the new day, my life a little fuller...
Tomorrow I do it all again...
I have this one life – I’m living it as much as I can!
The present is the gift!
The sentiment HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY makes me cringe and I know that each of my four children shies away from this or any other day that honours their mom. It isn’t because we don’t love each other, it’s just that we are a little less guided by some acceptable society rule that says we have to buy a gift and send a card to say I LOVE YOU... Sometimes my kids are angry at me, sometimes they are busy living their lives... I know my kids love me and I am not hurt by any slight or overlook of what day it is. I have worked on my own personal mother issues and have found a place where I am comfortable and at peace with what was, what is/isn’t and what will or won’t be. Just as I have had to, my kids will also have to work through it for themselves...
This is not an apology, because just like all the rest of us beings here, I am muddling through and doing the best that I can with what I have. Sometimes I fail as a mom – I don’t always say the right things, I don’t always look my best, I have curves and more filling around the edges, I have scars, stretch marks and wrinkles, I don’t wear makeup or get my hair done, and I have a history... I have a life well lived and I have lived life well, my scars, stretch marks and wrinkles tell my story...
I love my kids, animals, food, music, letters and the door being held open for me! Some people love me, some people like me, some don’t. I’ve been up and down on this journey, I’ve done good things for others and I’ve done good things for myself and sometimes, I’ve done not so good.
I follow my intuition, my heart and sometimes the crazy side of me acts before thinking things through. I am random, eclectic and a little bit funny. I am also real, easily bored and always looking for some new challenge. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not – I can drop the f-bomb as needed but I can also soothe a child to sleep with a soft lullabye – I am who I am and love me or not, I love you with all my heart.
I have lived this life fully and well, despite it all...
What Do I Do First?
How do I reconcile my spiritual, authentic, creative self when overwhelm in the everyday seems predominant? It seems that work, striving for the elusive perfection and caring for others always takes the forefront in my life and I can’t remember the last time I pampered myself. When was the last time that I did something FOR ME?
And why am I missing my life because I’m trying to measure up to someone else’s standards/judgements/opinions?
Don’t even get me started on my frustration over money – turns out that money has control over my happiness! (Oh, I’m not alone in this – Money is a HOT topic and usually stressful for many people.) I will delve into the topics of money, abundance and wealth frequently because it is a BIG DEAL and we all really do want to be healthier in our relationship with money. Over the past few years I have lost much and learned more and I will share these trials and tribulations with you!
My first step to healing my soul has to be remembering and reconnecting with who I really am. I know she is in here somewhere!
Being out of alignment with who I am is THE reason why ALL the rest of my life – emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, occupational, relational, personal – ALL OF IT - spirals wildly in a direction that no one wants to head – unhappiness, anger, resentment, illness, lack (of everything, including $). WAIT – I know this isn’t me!
I’m here to live an abundant, healthy, connected, brilliant, creative, blissful, joyful, peaceful, easy and happy life. (SO ARE YOU!)
Small Paradise For Healing Souls is my journey and my pursuit of personal contentment and it is my hope that you will find yours as well!
Welcome to SMALL PARADISE FOR HEALING SOULS!!
This is my journey to creating paradise and healing my soul - and I am happy to have you alongside.
Here you will be privy healing tools - things you can do, ways you can be; exploring what hurts and what helps; digging into relationships - with children. family, partners and friends; daily journey journal; spirituality and Mother Nature's messages and of course writings about my own personal journey.
Among many of the entries in this blog, I will share a way of healing through mirror work, affirmations, self love, and self expression.
Writing is my favorite expressive creative outlet, (see above for the pages on this site that cover my journey as a writer) You can find my writing page on Facebook.
I also express myself creatively as a photographer - I captured the picture at the top of this webpage. Visit my website www.sherrilldallmannphotography.com
and you can find my photography page on Facebook.
I'm glad you're here.
All is well now...
Who I AM...